이지나

 
Drawing by Gina JUi6EY Lee. 

Drawing by Gina JUi6EY Lee. 

LETTER TO 지나 01

THEY TOLD ME YOU WERE ASLEEP
AND MORE THAN ANYTHING, I WISH
THAT I WAS THE ONE ASLEEP AND DREAMING. 
WE HAD SO MUCH LEFT TO DO AND YEAH,
MAYBE I'LL SEE YOU IN A DREAM. 

WE COULD ACTUALLY DECIDE ON
WHERE WE WANT TO GO AND
WHAT WE WANT TO SEE. 

I WANTED TO SHOW YOU MY FAVORITE
CORNERS OF MY BELOVED CITIES,
AND I WANTED SO BADLY TO GO
WHERE YOU LOVED MOST. 

I WISH I DIDN'T HAVE TO SEE YOU IN A DREAM,
I WISH YOU WOKE UP SO I COULD TELL YOU
A MILLION TIMES OVER,

"I LOVE YOU SO MUCH, THANK YOU FOR SAVING MY LIFE."

LETTER TO 지나 02

I cry a lot everytime Facebooks suggests
that I add you.Not because I know that
you can't accept it, but because it reminds
me  of that time we had that argument
after I tagged you in a photo and you
got pissed off at me because I was being
a bad friend for sharing a picture of
you where your nails weren't filled in. 

Then you deleted me and said you wouldn't
add me back until I got a shot of you
where everything about you was perfect. 

It's not fair, because you were always perfect.
Always willing to learn, to share, to listen. 

We were so blessed to have such
good people in our lives that
cried, laughed, screamed, and learned together.

I was so lucky to have had you in mine.

LETTER TO 지나 03

Tomorrow is your birthday and I wish
I wouldn’t have to accept that I will
always miss it from now on.
I would rather forget because there really is
nothing left to say but how could I possibly forget,
because my only one regret was not telling you
everything over all of those cigarettes. 

I knew for a long time that it would be this way. 
Because it’s different now, more than it even was
when it had become different. And I always knew
that this is where we would stand, with that bold
line between us when it once was fine. 

So I’m going to do what I’ve been doing and keep going,
living like that the memory I have of you is just a mask.

Maybe next year will be better,
maybe next time I will actually forget. 

because you will always be here. 

LETTER TO 지나 04

some days are really hard,
especially when people ask.
i really wish people would stop
asking me how and when,
instead of what and why. 

some days are so fucking hard,
where i see something
that makes me take out my phone
to start texting you,
then stopping midway
and realizing that i can't. 

they disconnected your number.
i really wish i saved our entire
conversations, and i really wish
that you could just somehow reply to me.

i just want to talk,
i don't even have to hear what
you sound like anymore,
i just wish that you could still be here, 
and that i could have still sent you that picture
of someone's fake nails that got left behind.